I want everyone to stop for just a second and think of 5 things that make this exact place you are in today, this year, right now, awesome. Just take a minute and think about 5 things that make you so glad your life isn't any different even a tiny bit.
Are you thinking?
No really, do this....I'm serious.
1.I have a warm, snoring baby on my chest. She is the baby I grew and pushed out into the light. I am her momma and she knows it. After more than a decade of being the one who makes the babies cry I am now the one she wants. Pretty fucking cool.
2. I have a kind, understanding partner who changes diapers, feeds me and tries diligently to understand what the hell I am blubbering about when I start crying about random things. He is my best friend and though I feel a little disjointed right now as we are both exhausted and adjusting, I can't fathom doing this with anyone else. Really, I can't.
3. I am glad I have done so many of the awesome things I have done. I think about every sailing trip and camping trip, every outward bound course and night spent with my old lab truck camping, every mile I drove between the Portlands, every tear I shed over broken hearts or not getting into PA school, every tiny stupid disappointment and every great victory, saying yes on a mountain top, saying "I will" in front of friends and family, signing papers on a pool table at a bar on a rainy January night....All of it lead me to this day.
4. Being a distance runner....like LONG distance runner. I am equipped with a patience that was not god given to me. I am so impatient. Right now my whole world is based on a clock I never get to see. I only get to respond to the alarm and I have no idea what time it is set to go off. Being a runner taught me 1. Keep going. You are not as tired as you will be in another 20miles so enjoy the energy you have while you have it. 2. It all changes all the time so enjoy where you are and don't get too far ahead of yourself. Both of these things are acutely relevant to the first 2 months of parenthood as far as I can tell.
5. The sun is starting to come out. I was afraid I was never going to feel like going out with my babe. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was damn sure I was ALWAYS going to be exhausted and apathetic. I am exhausted, and almost always hungry but I vacuum, I walk the dogs, I clean the bathroom...I am generally living a more participatory life now than I was while I was pregnant. This gives me hope that I will figure out how to handle the continued sleep deprivation once I go back to work. I intend to address it and thrive in spite of it. I have no idea how but walks in the sunshine and a clean bathroom help.
6. I know I said 5 but I have one more and it is important. Friends. I have some really awesome buddies in my world. Some I feel like I met almost by accident. More than one of whom I am so thankful for it makes me a bit verclempt to think about.
Yeah, I had been throwing a bit of a pity party for myself yesterday...long story, and I wanted to take a second today to stop and be thankful, TRULY thankful for the things that make me feel perfectly content in my life right now. The things I want to work on include grad school, my baby belly and arms, moping the floors and bathing the dogs...they can all wait until tomorrow. Today I will bask in the glory of gratitude...and a new haircut.
Your haircut looks fabulous! And thank you for the reminder to pause and reflect. It was a furious kind of day and sometimes it's easy to forget all the simple joys like sleeping babes and the possibilities in your future. You're doing great, mama. Keep it up!
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