I have been thinking a lot about how unprepared most of us western women are for the first 6 weeks home with our babies. Sure, your childbirth education (CbE) class told you how to care for an umbilical stump and MAYBE covered bathing a newborn but lets be real, the bulk of the things new parents (especially moms. Sorry Dads) will struggle with in the first 6 weeks were totally not covered in CbE.
G and I opted not to take CbE. We didn't have the time thanks to the 4on-4off work schedule, nor did we have the extra cash and I felt like it would probably be a waste of my time, having grown up in a 24-7 CbE class living with my mother. Also, we were felt like the class we would want to take would be the birthing from within class and while it would be really awesome we were a little leery of going to a class and hearing all about what a primal birth goddess I am. I looked at G and said "Yeah, yeah, my body is amazing. I am totally aware. I don't need some lady in a chiffon skirt and sandals charging me 200$ to tell me that. I bet we could read a few good books and come up with our own CbE." He breathed a huge sigh of relief and we went to Powells to score some books.
We decided to come up with a mix of Buddhist meditation, practical hands on stuff and Birthing From Within. We bought Penny Simpkin's The Birth Partner and G took it to work and read it and took notes on things we should talk about. I read Birthing From Within and also made notes on things we needed to practice or discuss. I want to side bar for just a second and say I LOVE childbirth ed classes. I think they are awesome and empowering and very very important. They help parents in waiting connect to the idea that there is work that will need to be done and that there are ways to work through labor that are powerful and peaceful and it is not like an episode of friends where some woman in a bed screams for 2min and they hand you a 4month old covered in Jello. I 100% advocate for CbE classes...I just couldn't imagine going to one myself. I am a snob. I admit, I did not want to hang out with a bunch of pregnant ladies and stew in the anxiety and the mystique of pregnancy. I just wanted to be me. I would rather eat tacos and talk birth plans with G at Por Que No?. Anyway, with the blessing of our fabulous midwife we went ahead with our DIY CbE class plan. We had lists and many good conversations about everything from "labor projects" like baking cookies, to where I wanted to walk and how I wanted G to talk to me during contractions. By the time I went into labor we had not finished all the things on our labor prep check list but I felt like we had covered all the important stuff and more importantly, I trusted that we knew how to do hard physical things together. My running that 50K taught us both a lot about how to be with each other in tough times and G was a master at supporting me in the rough patches. So, long story endless no CbE classes for us.
Now, that I am almost 6 weeks into my lifelong membership in motherhood I am reflecting on all the "shit no one prepares you for". I had no idea that I would have crazy hot flashes that would soak my bed and pillows. I had no idea how hungry I would be or how tired I would be. I had no idea that my emotions would be so utterly fickle ranging from elation to sobbing uncontrollably in the blink of an eye. I had no idea my daughter would have acne that would come and go over the course of a day, or just how tricky it would be to bathe a strong willed newborn. I felt nervous putting her in her cloth diapers and I wasn't sure how to start a "sleep routine" or if I should or when I should. I didn't have a CLUE what to do when my milk came in and I started drowning her. I just looked at my mom and cried. There was SO much I was totally unaware of. I felt a little let down.
Talking to my good friend, who happens to be an awesome Doula and mother to the most charming one year old I know, I discovered that she observed the same thing. People say "Nothing prepares you for the first 6 weeks". I say women and families could be a little more prepared. There could be a class or a book all about the first 6 weeks. It could address the emotions, the physical changes, the relationship changes and the itty stupid details that could be a little less overwhelming if someone gave you a heads up. So, B and I have started talking about writing a curriculum for a class "Birth is just the beginning; The first 6 weeks with your new baby". I am so excited. I feel so motivated. I don't think I am an expert by any means but I AM a new mom who thinks what I am learning and observing could help other families have a slightly better first 6 weeks. If nothing else they would know that what they are going through is normal and they are NOT alone.
I will keep you posted on the development of the class. B and I are meeting next week to talk in more detail about it. I am pretty excited.
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