So there it is....My mom belly at 3 months. It is squishy and wiggly and multicolored. Why on earth would I post this on the internet? Because someone has to. Confused? Let me explain. I have battled my weight my entire life. I have dieted, exercised, starved, binged, given up...you name it. I have likely tried it. The fact of the matter is I like to be happy and often times food, cooking it, sharing it, tasting it, makes me happy. I am someone who loves cheese and chocolate and beer and carbohydrates. I like bad for me things. I like veggies and fruit a lot too but I don't think I have ever said no to a cheese cube. Now that I am Ramona's mother, the mother of a little girl, I feel a sense of responsibility to get my shit together. I have changed a lot of my eating habits. I wept once while driving home from a trip to Eugene because I was so tired I stopped at a McDonald's and had a hamburger and fries for dinner. "I just ate crappy McDonald's food and now I am going to make her crappy McDonald's milk! Waaaahhhh!" I feel an almost overwhelming sense of responsibility to eat a lot of greens and a lot of fruit now that I am breast feeding. I want her to have only the best milk and that means I have to eat good stuff to make it.
I talk to my lady friends and we ALL have body issues. One hates her shape and another hates her skin. One wishes for bigger breasts and smaller thighs while the other, smaller breasts and less of a tummy. I know moms who have stopped breast feeding so they could "hurry up and reach their goal weight". Ladies! Ladies! Stop the insanity!
This picture is a real woman. It is a real belly where a real baby grew. That baby is healthy and smart and happy. That mom is utterly, stupidly in love with that baby and would do anything for that little soul. So, instead of doing "anything" I am going to do something very specific. I am going to end the cycle of passing along the body bashing. I am not going to raise my daughter to hate her body and to pick herself apart in the mirror. I am going to raise her to run and swim and play. I am going to encourage her to eat the good things that make our bodies feel good and move well. I am going to let her dress herself in clothes that make her feel happy and confidant. I am going to tell her how much I love her and how awesome I think she is. I am going to let her grow wild and strong and free. I am going to lead by example. I am going to eat the good things and run and swim and play. I am going to treat my body as a gift and talk about it like it is a dear friend whom I cherish. I am going to dress myself in clothes that make me feel beautiful and happy and free. I am going to love this body entirely. I am going to worship the body that gave me that little soul. I am going to embrace the gift of her clean innocence and start fresh myself. I am not going to hide out in the shadows any longer. I refuse to hate myself for the squishy bits and the stretch marks. My LIFE has given me this body. Your life has given you yours. Having the chance to live and a body in which to live is a gift. Lets treat it accordingly shall we? So here it is. This is my belly three months out. I am not a model or an actress or some airbrushed belly on the cover of a magazine bursting with promises of 5 minute abs or how to shed the baby weight. I am working on making my whole body stronger and fitter and faster. If I become smaller and more toned that is great. That is one more way to feel beautiful and strong. But I am no longer focused on "getting my body back". My old body is gone. I am now looking forward to joyfully welcoming my "new body" to this life I am living. I welcome it like a dear friend. I will offer it green things and fresh water and love it no matter what. I will show my daughter what it looks like to be unashamed of the body you live in. I will teach her how it feels to be at home in her skin.
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