Four Months Old. Friends make all the difference

Ramona turned four months old this week. Holy shit! Where has the time gone? I feel like a second ago I was pregnant, half a second ago I was holding her on the couch contemplating just how long and hard the days were and how lonely and emotionally overwhelmed I was. Those first eight weeks were a fucking doozie my friend.

Now, I am really enjoying being Ramona's mom. Really REALLY relishing all this time we get to spend together. I like knowing her signals. I like our routine and that she knows I know what I am doing and she is relaxed and confidant. She struggles but she is a happy girl almost all of the time. Overstimulation is our number one cryptonite but honestly, she does what I want to do when I get overstimulated so it is hard to get very upset. In fact, 99% of the time, when she freaks out I feel bad for her. Sometimes it IS hard to be a baby. But most of the time, especially this last two weeks, being a baby is happy, full of smiles and coos and gurgles and fun. Even the rough nights are made beautiful with the smiles I get in the morning. Think hateful things if you must....I can take it....but really, we have a beautiful thing going and even when we dont I love her so damned much its cool. It really is.

All that said, this morning, after a huge week of travel, flying cross country twice, visit with Mimo hijacked by ten-bazillion family members wanting to visit and a less than awesome carseat, followed by arriving home in the middle of Hubs work week leaving me still on my own for chicken duty, and a scream fest with the lactation consultant two days ago, I went for a pedicure with a friend. I left R with daddy and split like a fugitive. It was fucking awesome! We got coffee, pedicures, chatted about nothing, hit Target to hilariously try on clothes and came home to a crying baby and a pretty chill husband considering. It was beautiful. I was so happy to see them. I was so proud of them. I felt recharged. My toes look adorable. I was ready to be mom again. I was gone 3hrs. I felt like I had slept for a week. This was just what I needed.

Earlier in the week I met my "new mom friend" for coffee and a walk on Alberta. It had been a very nonsleeping day for R and I was still jet-lagged as F! I needed to do anything to kill the hours between 4 and 7. Meeting J was perfect. We walked, had coffee, got pinwheels for the baby girls. We talked about babies, husbands, families, gay mons, life, TV... It was sooooo easy. Our girls are mere weeks apart. We have so much in common aside from the girls too. It is crazy! I never could have imagined we would be instant friends when we swapped numbers at the midwives picnic.

I also went to moms group this week with my neighbor buddy. I met a fee new moms, realized I am not new anymore as R is one of the older babies, heard a handful of other moms talk about going back to work and talked at length, with another mom who is a few months ahead of me but still experiencing some of the same sex and intimacy issues I am experiencing. I left feeling awesome. I dont have it all figured out but I am making some great friends who dont have it figured out either and that is awesome, comforting and reassuring. There isnt any negative talk or complaining but an openness and curiosity about it. Nobody is "suffering" or poor me-ing, just talking, exploring this new life and new identity. I must say I find it amazing.

So, in conclusion, month four is starting off awesome. I go back to work in a month (boo but yay), we go to fair in two weeks ( bust out cha tie dye!!) and I have some awesome new people in my life. I owe it all to this little girl. She upended my life and gave me a new one. Thank you sweet pea! Now, do mommy a favor and sleep in tomorrow ok?