Then you wake up to a 6 month old!!

Tiny girl turns SIXMONTHSOHHOLYSHIT! Old next week. I have been back to work for three weeks and Papa has been keeping the home fires burning. He is doing a phenomenal job too. He cooks, cleans, caters to our ever increasingly demanding, MOBILE ( more on that later) daughter with tenderness and insight that moves me to tears. He is loving, adventurous and kinda hot as a "dad". He is also being super honest with me about how tough it is to be 100% present for the baby for 13+ hrs a day for multiple days on end.

At first I was frustrated. I heard a loud voice in my head anytime he expressed feelings of tiredness or overwhelmedness. "You think YOU're tired?! I have been growing this critter and now feeding her for over a year! It has LITERALLY been I don't know how long since I have slept for more than 4 hours! You have absolutely NO concept of tired or overwhelmed!". Then I stopped, shook it off like one of those St Bernards in Beethoven part 2, and realized that it is ALL about context. He is tired. He is overwhelmed. This is the most a lot of things he has ever been and he is just as entitled to his feelings as I am and a good partner puts that bitchy "let me tell you..." voice in timeout and hears her partner out with a quiet mind and a soft heart. This shit is tough folks. There is a lot that we cant fix. There are even plenty of things that we cant take the sting out of *coughmyutterlackofsexdrivecough* but we (I) can try harder to show up for him. I can dig deep and find a few more bits of energy to give to him.

Equity will look very different for a while still. I am trying hard to get my body back in good shape for work as much as for vanity and I am still pumping and nursing. It takes a lot of time and I am not sleeping so I am pretty wiped out but it is time to toughen up and adapt for the Huz. He needs his teammate back and I dont think it is too much to ask.

In the words of The Weepies "the world spins madly on". Ramona started crawling, summer is wrapping up and life is fuller than ever. I would not change this life for all the gold in the world. It is both harder and richer than I could have ever imagined or hoped. I can see the days pass and tiny grow bigger, stronger, more curious right before my very eyes. It is a wild and wonderful fog of wiggles and diapers and soft chubby limbs. At six months I can say I have never known this kind of love...now to get the rest of my life back together :)