Sorry for the profanity but I swear to all that is holy, this is the hardest part. I will kick labor's ASS compaired to how I am handling being nauseated for nearly 3 weeks straight! I feel like shit ALL THE TIME! I want to know who those ladies are who say they had all the sex during the first trimester and I want to pull their hair. That's right 4th grade playground style. I want to be mean to them so they feel one tenth of how I feel nearly all the hours I am awake and some of the hours I spend trying to sleep.
I am nauseated when I wake up. I try to eat something and it usually makes me feel even worse. I try tea. Yuck. I try to think of what might taste good and honestly, nothing sounds good most of the time. I try ginger and bland foods. I try drinking shakes or green juices. Our garden is blooming with beautiful lettuces and peas and broccoli and I want nothing to do with any of it. Watermellon, chicken soup and toast. That is the short list of foods I can handle. Ocassionally chips.
I LOVE food. I have long lived for food. Now, I am so turned off by the sight, smell, even the thought of food is often enough to make me cringe and gag. Today, I walked into a care facility and immediately was overwhelmed by the smell of "lunch". I found the visitor bathroom and puked so hard I hit my chin on the toilet seat. Uggh!
**Update** I just had a really lovely phone chat with a sweet friend who has been my long-distance midwife for the past 6+ weeks and she gave me just the pep talk I needed. She reminded me that things are changing day to day so I am not necissarily reading my own signals wrong just maybe they are changing. She does say I need to eat more frequently to avoid the awful nausea (no more 4 hr stretches between eating). She reminded me that the Starfish is growing all day and all night and requiring lots from my body all the time. I know that sounds like a "duh" thing but honestly, it is hard to remember when you don't see the changes yet or feel the kicking yet, that you are infact growing a whole person in there from scratch! I need to remember to honor what my body is trying to do here.
Well, that is just about all I have to say on being sick. Oh, except that the morning part is a total crock. It is 1930 right now and I feel like yarfing. So take that what to expect! And remember...expect nothing and let what comes be a pleasant suprize. And would someone do me a favor and remind me how much I am going to love this little starfish when I finally meet them in the dark moments when I am alone and The Hubbs is at work and I feel like crying. Because there are those moments. I am happy to be here on the team but honestly, I did not expect it to be quite like this.
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