Just a breath of air

I am SO far behind in my blogging.  It makes me sad really.  I had so hoped to be keeping up better with some of the things I am experiencing this first year of motherhood....alas, I work a swing shift, am more than full time in school and we have one computer so....yeah,....there's that too.  Anyway, my dear loving mother is here visiting.  Ramona just turned ONE!  Holy fucking shit!  Pardon my French but when did that happen?! Nobody asked ME if she could walk, talk, tell me "no".  She is on and off sleeping.  On and off eating like a viking and generally rules my world with one hand tightly grasping my heart at all times.  I am blissfully happy and also so fucking tired.  I am EX-HAUS-TED!  It is not the baby it is my life.  I am running two races at once right now with school so highly prioritized.  I want to be done with my RN before she turns 18mo.  I want to be making us more money for less hours spent away.  I am ready to attend to families and to continue in my quest.  All that said, I am ready for a god damned nap too.  My brain is balking at the extra effort I require of it.  My body is a mess.  I am feeling like a cookie left on the counter too long.  Crumbly, dried out, not particularly desirable.  Things with the Hubs are good and strained intermittently.  We are both doing our best to keep up but we are tired.  We are trying to learn to run at this new faster pace in order to get to a better place but we fall down and scrape knees and get frustrated in the fog, thinking we are running alone and the other one MUST be walking because we can't SEE how hard they are working to keep up.  I know it sounds like I need a major priority check but I assure you that is not the case.  If I can just get over this wall there IS a better existence for us on the other side.  One where we can prioritize family and time and and and....I just have to keep my head down and keep charging the waves that threaten to drown me.  More as soon as I can because BOY oh BOY do I have reflections.