Sometimes I have the dumbest ideas...

Yesterday was Autumn Leaves Ultra. I watched my sister in law and one of my dearest friends run their first 50ks. I watched a handful of other girlfriends run numbers 2-7. It was awe inspiring. The Hubbs and I were out there as pit crew and set up a yummy aid station. As SIL was coming in to finish her 2nd lap she looked strong but I know sometimes that middle portion can be a mind bender so I offered to keep her company for a loop (6.3 miles). This would be the farthest I had run since forest park in June but I was confidant that I had "at least" 6miles in me and what the hell? Ames needed me right? So, we set off on our loop. Her pace was steady and her head seemed firmly atop her shoulders. I was so excited for her as we ran. She seemed to just be floating along. It was easy to keep up and easy to keep her running. She seemed to be right on target to finish strong and at a pretty good pace. I was feeling pretty good. I was having some belly aches but it seemed like it was probably just round ligament stuff and I was able to keep running. My low back and very low front of my pelvis ached a bit but I thought that would eventually fade. I have learned that discomfort while running is like weather. If you just run long enough it will change. We were running and passing people on their way back who were smiling and high fiving Amy. We saw our other ladies out there just gliding along the path looking strong and confidant and fast. It was a stunningly beautiful fall day.

As Amy wound up the 3rd loop of her 5, I asked her how she was doing. She said great! She was feeling a little uncomfortable in places but nothing too bad. I told her I was thinking I would sit the next loop out and let her brother run it with her and then run the last one with her. Great! Game on. Well, almost....When we got back to the aid station he wasn't ready and hadn't gone to get his shoes from the car yet. I asked if he wanted to run 4 with her and he sort of hesitated (He really wanted to run 5 with her). I looked at Ames and just said "Ok, cool, I'll run 4 with you." In my mind I had wanted the "bad ass merit badge" for running a 1/2 marathon at almost 23 weeks pregnant. I wasn't soo sore. I told Amy to eat something and our friend Rose scooped her up and kept her moving while I lubed my hot spots on my toes and grabbed a snack myself. Not long after I was up and ready. I was hurting but the loudest voice in my head told me to hush up and support my sister in this awesome endeavor and to keep my mouth shut about how much my pelvis was hurting because she deserved support and she would have walked on a broken leg for me. By mile 3 (1/2 way through the loop) I could no longer run. Amy didn't mind this at all as she had been running almost all of the loops 1-3 and was ready for a mellow loop. We power walked and talked and she seemed mentally so very strong. I was sort of starting to fall apart. I was trying to remember if there was any way to short cut my way back to the aid station. She was through the hardest part and honestly seemed to be doing so damned well, I knew without a doubt she would finish this loop strong and in well under 2hrs. By the time we were at mile 4.5 we were still more than a mile and a half from the aid station and I was ready to cry. Every step I felt like I was breaking my pelvis right in half. My back screamed but my pubic bone felt like it was cracked right down the middle. I sent Amy on ahead after a little "go gettem'" pep talk and she took off strong down the path. I bent over, dizzy with pain.

It seemed like hours until I got back to the aid station but it was only 25min. I waddled in just as Amy and G were headed out. She still looked so fresh and enthusiastic. I was so proud. I told G I was dying and that I was just going to sit for a while, kissed him and sent him on his way. I sat down and ate some cottage cheese and a pumpkin cupcake and hoped that I would feel better. Getting up to the bathroom was like torture. Packing up almost had me on the ground. On the way home I called in sick to work for the next day.

When I almost fainted from walking around the grocery store I knew I had made a bigger mistake than I even knew. I wasn't going to the ER or anything like that. 1. I felt like a moron, 2. It would not do any good as there was nothing stronger than Tylenol for a pregnant lady and no way was I letting them x-ray my pelvis. I called my friend Sarah, the midwife I have known since childhood. She was once my Mom's partner in midwifery and then was my high school biology teacher. She has been the "Dial a midwife" when I can't ask my mom without worrying her and I am not sure I need to call my ladies and bother them. She told me if I had actually separated my pubic symphisis I would probably not be able to walk at all. She said I may have stretched it out though and that would be painful and I should take a bath, try to get in good alignment and go to bed.

Getting in and out of the tub and in and out of bed had me near tears for the rest of the night. Even rolling over in bed felt like broken glass. I cried out with every step down the stairs to the bathroom at 2am and could barely walk back to bed. I was pretty freaked out by the time I drifted back to a painful sleep. In the morning I felt a bit better. Not awesome but I could roll over without seeing spots and I could walk without holding my breath. I was so glad I took the day off. I would not have been able to do anything at work.

It is now later in the afternoon and I am continuing to feel improved. My pain is now about a 5/10 when I have to make any kind of lateral movement or isolated leg movements. Last night it was easily an 8-9/10. I am hoping to feel even better tomorrow, mostly because I don't want to call in sick again...

I feel stupid for not listening to my body. I feel stupid for pushing for no good reason. I am nervous that I had hurt something that is going to bother me for some time now. But I can say I ran a half marathon 22.5 weeks pregnant....for whatever that's worth. It is hard to learn the new limitations of my body. I have spent so much of my life trying to overcome the voice that says "you don't need to push, you're tired, your ankle hurts, better luck next time" that I have trouble trusting when the voice is real saying "you hurt and you are not lazy". I am still working on that one. In the mean time I am here in bed today with an ice pack on my pubic bone and tea from my sweet husband. I am not looking forward to work tomorrow but we will just have to see how it goes.

All that aside, I was fortunate enough to watch some of the most awesome women I know run one of my very favorite races ever on the most lovely fall day we have seen so far. It was a blessing to be sure. I was so proud of all of my friends and of the perfect strangers I saw out there making friends with their limits and then convincing the limit to be pushed just a little bit further.