Welcome to week 31. I have sort of a mixed bag of attitude this week. I am starting to feel tired. Like tired all the time. I have the desire to get up and go do something but my body is just like "waaahhh". I am not sleeping very well anymore either. I have a hard time getting comfortable and when I finally DO get comfortable I have to pee an hour later. I know all of this is part of it. I am just tired. I feel like it would be so great to get one night's sleep....like prepregnancy, uninterrupted 8hours of sleep. I honestly can't remember what it is like to sleep through the night without getting up to pee. I feel like it is possible that I am only making that up....Did it ever really happen?
I only have 2 more 3 day rotations at work and then I am done. I am fretting about all the paperwork. I just want to get my 60% pay so that I can help our family stay afloat. I am not sure what I will do with myself for 6 weeks but I have to think that anything is better than sitting all wadded up in the ambulance with swollen feet and an aching back from lifting people who don't need an ambulance nearly as much as they need a social worker and a lock on the fucking fridge. I want to clarify that I am not a sizist. I am NOT small myself and 31lbs of "baby weight" hasn't helped things much. I am a laziest. I fucking hate lazy people. I hate people who do not take care of themselves and literally are eating themselves to death and then call 911 because they are too lazy to get a primary care doctor to look at their foot pain. I hate the lazy people who can't walk, thanks to their own doing, who then call 911 for a taxi ride for some bullshit nonemergency. I am an EMERGENCY MEDICAL PROVIDER! This is AN AMBULANCE. We are here to take care of people who are DEATHLY ILL/MORTALLY WOUNDED/DYING IN FRONT OF US. We are not cabbies for 400lb men with ITCHY FEET who no longer feel like walking down the stairs and want us to carry them (Real call 2 weeks ago). We are not social workers for 380lb women who DIDN'T LIKE WHAT THE CLINIC DOCTOR SAID ABOUT MY YEAST INFECTION ("No, I didn't take the medicine he told me to it cost like 20$!" as she slurps her jack in the box big gulp with her hand in a bag of cheddar popcorn sitting in front of her big screen TV watching extended cable) I WANT TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM BUT I CAN'T WALK SO YOU NEED TO PUT ME ON YOUR LITTLE BED THINGY. I can't make this shit up people. My partner and I MAYBE weigh as much as these people put together. They want ME to carry them while they keep eating....I am SOOOOOOO burned out on this one. I went home early last week with a back strain after this last call. I was so afraid I was truly injured and not just tweaked. I got so mad. If I get hurt and can't work or can't function normally because someone who is NOT SICK calls 911 and wants to be carried I am going to climb a fucking bell tower. I honestly think this is what is wrong with America. The customer service nation. It is a fucking crime how we enable people to be blobs of rotting flesh and then we are supposed to smile and act like we are not physically BREAKING our bodies just to move theirs.....OK Ok. I will stop. I have nothing nice to say so I stop. But honestly folks. Go for a walk. Swap out a sprig of broccoli for a french fry once in a while. If you are truly hurt or sick I will be the kindest woman in the world to you. I will make your momma look like a cold woman. If you make an effort, take a walk or eat a salad every once in a while I will respect your efforts no matter how they do or don't pay off. But if you sit there dying in your own body, expecting others to move you around in this world and wipe your ass because you can't put down the fucking Doritos I am sorry, you are killing me, raping the health care system and not worth my time. If you don't care enough about you why should I put myself on disability for you? And that IS a real question.
Ok, well, this wasn't supposed to be a vitriolic rant but there it is....I guess it is good that I am going to be taking a break from work. I just get chapped that they want me to endanger myself and my yet to be born babe in the name of customer service....
I am off to the pool. I have heard women report they swim and then pee off all the extra water they are carrying around. I need some of that. I can barely recognize my own ankles.
Oh yeah, you're definitely at the tail end of being pregnant... I knew I was ready when I no longer had the patience for any sort of nonsense or annoyance from other people. It's like your body knows it has serious business to accomplish and anyone that wastes your precious time and energy is itching for a sucker punch in the face. I'd like to tell you it gets better but research shows that breastfeeding moms are the most aggressive of all mothers, so tell Garth to get ready for angry mama bear!
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