Favorite Bits 2011

2011 was a pretty huge year.  I will venture to say it has been one of the best years of my life.  Looking back now, I can't believe it has come and gone so quickly.  2010 was hard.  School, 2 moves, wedding planning, unemployment...It was just tough.  2011 has been the year of great fortune.  As I look around my warm little house I see and recall things that make me full to bursting with gratitude.

There are two snoring dogs.  One in a chair by the window and the other with her head resting on the windowsill....They are healthy, they are SPOILED, they are sweet.

The tiny Christmas tree in the corner symbolizes the celebrations of community that have taken place within the wall of this house this year.  We have celebrated love, family, holidays, friendship, food, one another's good fortune and hope for the future.  The walls of this house have been painted with the colors of community and the rooms are light with the glow of friendship and love.

The running shoes on the rack in the back hallway remind me of the excellent health and the healthy sense of adventure shared by my most immediate family.  G and AKMB and I have had a stellar year of adventure and self exploration.  Running Forest Park 50k should MAYBE be second to my pregnancy with my first child but to be perfectly honest they are tied.  Something inside of me changed forever when I ran FP50.  I will never doubt myself again.  Sure, I will have my moments but I met myself on the trail and turns out I am made of some pretty strong stuff and I am capable of being ready for hard things not simply surviving them.  FP has given me sooo much strength to not just exist through this pregnancy but to carry a sense of wonder and a deep appreciation for the difference between pain and suffering and who's choice it is which one you experience.  It has really shaped the way I approach being pregnant and planning for the arrival of this little one.  I am not sure there could be better training than running LONG. That said, there is also a pride in myself that came with FP50k.  It has nothing to do with babies or the future.  It has everything to do with feeling like a real and true athlete at the end of the day.  I am looking forward to being a mom but I am looking forward to running another 50k very soon too.

My husband's bag by the door reminds me how jaw droopingly fortunate I am to be married to such a wonderful man.  It sounds so cheesy and cliche but I don't care.  He is the most loving, gentle, kind, patient, respectful, nurturing, non-annoying, level headed, joyful, curious, soulful, curious, passionate, dedicated person I know.  He is almost never on time for anything, can't get the basement organized to save his soul and and often has the attention span of a hummingbird but that doesn't even begin to overshadow how much I love him.  I have to admit that I never expected to love him this much.  I didn't know you could feel this way about a person.  I can't fathom my world without him.  I can't WAIT to see him become a dad.  He really is my best friend.  I have no idea how I got so lucky.  I have no idea how we ended up here, together but I thank every star in the sky that we did.

My bag by the door reminds me of how fortunate I am to have the job I have.  I caught a baby on Thanksgiving, I saved and old man from choking to death on a cinnamon roll this summer and I have had the honor of meeting and helping over a hundred other people in the last year.  I know I complain about the flaws in the system but I also deeply appreciate the chance to work in a job where I have an AWESOME partner, progressive protocols, darn good equipment and a goal of helping people.  It is not my end goal but it is pretty sweet for now.

The socks on my feet make me think about my mother and how glad I am that we have the relationship we have these days.  It was hard fought back about 6 years ago.  We struggled to understand one another and to have patience with our own imperfections and tolerance for what we saw as the other's imperfections as well.  Now, she is one of my very best friends and another person I can't imagine being without.  She is 3500 miles away and that SUCKS but we are in a better place now than we have been in years and years and I just thank her for all of her hard work and the things she taught me as a kid that have helped me become the woman I am now.

The little painting of the ocean sitting on my mantle makes me think of my Dad.  He is the one I must thank for my FINALLY learning a bit of patience and equanimity.  He introduced me to mindfulness over and over again.  When it finally started to stick, in my twenties, he never said "boy, what took you so long?"  He has always been a beacon of unconditional love.  Where mom taught me strength and courage, dad taught me gentleness and quiet.  I am starting to be able to appreciate and harness both sides of myself in becoming this "adult" and I am so grateful for the guidance and gentleness he has offered even when it was the last thing I wanted to hear.

My "Local" family was here last night and the stack of baby clothes and books next to me on the ottoman stand as proof.  They are the most enthusiastic, loving bunch.  I could not have married into a sweeter group of people if I had hand picked them.  I didn't just get a wonderful loving husband but a whole TRIBE of people came with him.  From his lovely parents who treat me like one of their own even when I am tired and cranky, to his friends from childhood who put their arms around me and welcomed me into the fold.  I married into a VILLAGE of love and joy.

The house is half a wreck from Christmas yesterday but underneath the paper and the boxes the floor is swept and the clutter mostly controlled.  There is a photo album on the table with pictures spanning 30+ years and letters to the new baby on every page.  This is from my sister-in-law.  She is the penultimate behind the scenes miracle worker.  This woman has no idea what she does for this house and this family on a regular basis.  She is a very hardworking member of the child protective services team, she spoils the dogs rotten, she cleans the house for us during the work week and she is a constant reminder that mind over matter really makes the sun shine even in the midst of an Oregon winter.  Her generosity and unflagging good nature is even present during times of crisis and personal struggle.  She reminds me to try harder to keep my chin up and to try harder to keep my eye my list of "things I am thankful for".  She is also probably my favorite person to give gifts to as they always seem to be "JUST WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR".  She is the prize in the already delicious cracker jack box of this family I married into.

There are many other people and things I am grateful for.  They are too numerous to list.  The point is, I am fucking blessed.  This year has been a dream.  I am growing a healthy person inside of me, my community is growing all the time in meaningful and beautiful ways, I am continuing to learn new things and to be touched by the world around me.  My family is happy and fulfilled.  My house is warm and beautiful.  I can't think of anything I need that I don't have.  I think I will just sit and cherish this feeling for a little while.  I hope 2012 is full of wonder and love for all of you.  I hope that good fortune and easy times roll in with the chiming of the clock.  Thank you for 2011.  Happy New Year.