It will never be this way again

A few days a go G and I flew to California to visit my Dad and Step mom. It was a lovely mellow trip. I have been sick with a horrid cold and my Dad had some nasty stomach bug so we spent a lot of time just hanging out together drinking tea and reading and chatting. It was pretty perfect.

As G and I were leaving their house the last night for the airport it struck me. The next time I see my Dad and Kathleen, I will be someones MOTHER. The clock on this thing is really ticking. Its not bad or good. It just IS. It feels like I spent a lot of time early on wishing to get pregnant, wishing to STAY pregnant, wishing to look pregnant, wishing to feel excited about being pregnant....Now I am just wishing for time to slow down. Sure, I have swollen feet and hands, I pee my pants when I sneeze or cough to hard or have too full a bladder. My clothes fit funny. The back fat I was so happy to see leave with all of my efforts at the gym, has returned. But more than that, I am not ready for everything to be so different. I LOVE my life with my husband and my dogs. I feel pretty content with the way things are. I wouldn't mind another 6 months of how life was right before I got pregnant.

This may make me sound like a monster so hold on, before you jump to conclusions. I am beyond excited to be a mom. More to the point, to be this little person's mom. They arrived in our lives so quickly I feel there must me some very strong little soul who wants to be with us in here. I am so excited to see G become a dad. I can't wait to see our families expand to embrace this little person's presence. I can't wait to include our friends in our new family. I am very very excited to be a part of this little soul's life. But I am also so fucking not ready. I like sleep and beer and staying out with friends. I like my own agenda and impromptu total laziness. I am acutely aware that those things are going to look very different if not all together extinct here in about 3 months. And while we are discussing time lines HOLY SHIT! 3 MONTHS!?@@#$%. What about July? What about October? Where the hell has the last HALF A YEAR gone? Anyone? Anyone?

So, yeah, this is some crazy shit. It keeps getting crazier. Good I think. I will let you know. I have nesting fever and so does G. We are rapidly turning the house into a space for a baby though, there are still sharp and fragile things all over that I will have to deal with soon. For now though, I am trying to soak in the sweetness that is G and I as a pair while it lasts. He is my best friend and such a sweet partner to me. I am both excited and frightened (for selfish reasons) to see him expand to become a father. In the mean time....I am here, swollen, peeing and enjoying the glow.