I haven't been sleeping for shit. I am 100% aware that that makes EVERYTHING harder and more dramatic so, that said here is a little glimpse into the last 18hrs.
I have been having a lot more braxton-hicks contractions. I had found this exciting as I took it to be a sign that my body was gearing up. Last night, I started to have cramping in my low back and pelvis. I was at the movies with my SIL and I was having consecutive BHC for almost 3 hrs. It was sorta intense but not overtly painful. Anyway, I fell asleep around ll:00 and awoke about 3 feeling nauseated and crampy. I was up and uncomfortable until about 630. I called my mom who gave me the "this is getting you ready for sleeplessness with a newborn" lecture. I know on some level she is right and she is super far away and doing her very best but I just wished she were here to rub my back and head until I fell asleep and not 3500miles away. It was an unsatisfying conversation. It was even worse because she had a terrible time with both my older brother and myself. She was on bedrest starting at 17 weeks with me....my brother was 6+ weeks early. She is always very sweet and deferential when she points out "I wasn't up and active for as much of my pregnancy as you have been." or "I was no longer pregnant. I never got huge and uncomfortable I was just psychotic and miserable from being in bed for MONTHS." So, on a lot of levels we have very different experiences of pregnancy. I have to give her HUGE points for relating to me in terms of her own pregnancies and not telling me about all the hundreds of women she has taken care of and minimizing my experience. She is doing a really good job of being my "mom" and letting the ladies be my midwives.
Ok, so, shit that has me freaked out a little.....The baby was quiet this morning. REALLY quiet compared to normal. This is a very active little soul and when it felt like hours of nothing but uterine movement and not baby movement I was worried. I drank some juice, ate a bit of toast, tried to get a kick count and got 3 in 32min....fret, fret, fret....I decided I had to go for a walk so I leashed up the girls and we went for a short 30min walk. I got home and still everything was quiet except the contractions. I got in the tub with a little more OJ and viola! The little stinker just woke up and is happily letting me know that "We LOVE OJ!".
The second thing is that I am having cramping and "pulling" discomfort down in my low pelvis like maybe cervix? It hurts and it wraps around. I am afraid I am starting to warm up. I am NOT ready. The nursery is a fucking war zone, the house is a mess, I have a bunch more to do and I was promised 4 more weeks! Ok, so nobody promised anything but I demand 4 more weeks? I don't want to end up at the hospital. I don't want my baby in the NICU. I don't want this baby to be so early. I AM NOT READY!
The good news is that I have an appointment with my midwife in about 45 min so we will see what she says. I think this may just be another round of changes that means I need to adjust my perspective. I said this before "It's like my ultra. Now is the point where you come to terms with the fact that your feet are going to hurt for the REST of the run. Will you suffer in addition to the pain? Up to you?" I think I am now at the point where I realize my back and hips are going to hurt for the remainder of the run (10 more miles) and it is time to stop thrashing about and get the heck ON with it. I choose NOT to suffer in addition to the discomfort. I choose not to suffer under the worrying either. I choose to stay strong and vigilant and fearless and joyful that my body knows what to do and the baby knows too....The baby knows it likes baths and OJ....and sleeping in sometimes.
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