Joining the Ranks

Things have been rather melodramatic in my head lately. I have been feeling a little out of control waiting for the job thing to happen and trying to get the lose ends of school/state certification and wedding thank yous tied up. I think part of my problem is that for the last year my hair has literally been on fire with one project/deadline or another. I have been operating at full tilt for 13months. Now I have come to a nearly full stop. I am a "housewife". Not by choice either.... Anyway, I had a chance to spend some time with some friends of ours last night and it really helped me re frame my reality in a very helpful way.

On our wedding day the Man and I had some badly behaving family. It happens. It was such a minor part of the whole beautiful weekend that it barely warrants mention, however, on that day it seemed huge and it had me pretty keyed up. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what the proper etiquette was in this situation. I wanted to ask my Mother but I didn't want to burden her (or any of my 4 mothers for that matter) with the politics. I looked around at my maids and realized I needed some advice from an "elder". I curb sided my friend Liz. She gave me the following amazing advice "This is your and G's day. All of these people are here because they have accepted your invitation to come celebrate your day. If they can't handle themselves or be well behaved that is not your problem. Now get out there and enjoy yourself." It was really beautiful advice. It was not aggressive or disrespectful. It encouraged me to shake it off and enjoy the day. To prioritize my time and spend it with those who are fully engaged in the celebration, with those who have traveled thousands of miles to help us start our lives together surrounded with love. It saved my life!

When I say "elder" I don't mean old in years. I don't even mean that far ahead of me in experience though, mothers and aunties who have been married for decades are very handy to have around as well. I mean the women who's sisterhood I have now joined. The women who are just barely ahead of me in this whole wife thing. I am not by any means discounting my sisters who are un-partnered, I am merely writing about the other ones here. Liz, Andrea, Sara, all of them are just steps ahead of me in this new land. It sounds silly maybe but now that the wedding is over things do feel different. I feel "married". I feel presented to the world as part of this three legged race team called me-and-him. It is beautiful but it is also oddly more different than I had anticipated. Maybe in time I will be able to be more specific about what exactly it is that feels different but for now I will just say that it does.

Anyway, I digress wildly. Last night I had made stew and grudgingly watched the Man go back to work (still not entirely well). I knew that I was likely going to spend the night with my friends, the cast of Law and Order, have a few beers and fall asleep feeling upset only to wake in the morning just as upset as the day before. I texted our friends GW and KJ. They are another health care couple who have been through much of what we have been through and more. They are engaged to be married a year from now. I adore them both. KJ and I have very different personalities at first impression I am loud and outgoing. She is seemingly shy. It didn't take us very long to discover that we are actually very similar. Anyway, I invited myself over to their house last night offering to bring stew in exchange for company. I arrived to find them wide eyed sitting in the kitchen. They announced they had just put an offer in on a house. I was SOOOO excited for them. They have been living in a tiny little rental and I just think it would be exciting to see them blossom into a family in a home where they could really make it their own. Not to mention that if the Man and I can do it ANYONE can do it.

We spent most of the night talking about house stuff. We did a ninja drive by and stalked around in the back yard. When we got back to their house they had to sign the offer paper work. I told them about our realtor's advice that we write a letter to the sellers about us and how we saw ourselves in the house. I suggested it to them and they wrote a really lovely and enthusiastic letter. They sent all the papers to their realtor and he wrote back that he loved the letter. Today we sit around crossing our fingers that their offer is the one that is accepted and they will be on their way to closing and moving and on and on. It is a very exciting time to be sure. It wasn't until I was driving myself home last night that I realized I have joined the ranks of the "elders". Not just as a bossy girl with lots of opinions but as a woman who has walked through some fire over the past year and who has learned a shit ton about life in the process. I like the idea of my errors being of use to those I love. It seems like a terrible waste to be the only one getting anything out of them. I know that this is only the beginning of my adult journey but it is nice. It feels good to offer help and it feels good to see that help ease some of the tension lines around a friend's eyes now and again. I am honored to be here on the roster of elders.